


With You, Where I Wanna Stay

by justyrae



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Boys Kissing, Famous Louis, M/M, Non-Famous Niall, Second Chances
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-04 13:49:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13366029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justyrae/pseuds/justyrae
Summary: There's nothing keeping Niall on this beach, there's not even anything keeping him in Thailand. But in this moment, for right now, he feels like he could stay here forever.





	With You, Where I Wanna Stay

**Author's Note:**

> i finished writing this approximately a million years ago, or so it feels. it's good to finally be posting!!!  
> pls note that at the time of posting, louis is still being a shit and hasn't released the full song that includes a lyric i use very frequently throughout this fic. hopefully he'll release it soon and it'll still make sense. if not, whatever, FIC IS FIC.
> 
> big thanks to **dearmrsawyer** and **pillarboxred** for endless support. love u guys the most!!

It's bright enough that Niall knows it's morning without having to open his eyes. He doesn't want to, not really, so he rolls over with the intent of pressing his face down into the pillow and going back to sleep. Only, there's no pillow under his head. He gets a mouthful of sand for the effort, which wakes him up right quick.

He sits up, sputtering and spitting out sand as he squints in the bright sunlight. As he looks around and becomes aware of his surroundings, memories from the night before come flooding back into his mind. He remembers the market, he remembers coming to the beach, he remembers… the boy.

Niall twists from side to side, checking for someone who obviously isn't there. He glances behind him just in case, but there's just more sand.

In a flash, Niall's hands go to his pockets to check for his wallet. It's still there, which he notes with a sigh of relief, and he huffs out a laugh when he inspects it further and finds nothing stolen. He does a cursory count of his baht banknotes, finding everything as it should be.

When he goes to put his wallet away, he notices something lying on the sand next to him. It's close enough that it must've fallen out of his pocket in his haste to check for his wallet, but Niall doesn't remember putting anything else in that same pocket.

He picks it up and a soft smile spreads across his face as he looks down at a photo of the face of the very boy he was hoping to find.

It's a little hazy now, but he does remember taking the photo last night; how they had to press their faces close together so they'd both fit. That was early on, before they'd even really gotten to know each other. Niall laughs at himself for the thought; how well can you really know anyone after just a few hours?

 _Remember me_ is scrawled in the white frame at the bottom of the photo, along with the boy's name. Louis.

Niall taps the photo against his other hand and laughs softly. He tucks the photo into his wallet and stuffs it back into his pocket. He takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he watches the ebb and flow of the tide in front of him.

There's nothing keeping Niall on this beach, there's not even anything keeping him in Thailand. But in this moment, for right now, he feels like he could stay here forever.

"Time to go," he mutters under his breath as he gets to his feet, brushing the sand off his clothes. He turns his back on the ocean and heads back towards civilization, pushing thoughts of the boy from the night before out of his mind.

*

**One Year Later**

Niall shivers and pulls his sleeves down from his elbows to cover his arms. It's only a few days into September and already the temperature has dropped lower than he likes. He glances up around for somewhere to stop, spotting a cafe just down the street. It's mostly empty when he goes in, just a few patrons sitting at the tables scattered around, and the girl behind the counter smiles at him as he comes through the door.

She greets him in both German and English before gesturing for him to pick whatever table he likes. He smiles at her in return and takes one against the wall, towards the middle of the room. There's a menu already on the table and he scans it quickly before she approaches, making his order quick and simple. Niall's already pulled his bag onto his lap by the time she turns her back and heads for the kitchen.

He pulls out a notebook and a small day planner, flipping through the planner until he lands on the right month and goes over his scheduled trip at the end of the week. He's only got one more day left in Düsseldorf before he heads further north, onto another city to explore. Tucking his planner back into his bag, Niall glances around the cafe again.

There's a couple sitting in the far corner, talking quietly and looking at nothing and no one but each other. It brings a smile to Niall's face but his gaze doesn't linger. There's also an elderly man sitting by one of the windows reading a paper, and a mother and young daughter sitting two tables away from Niall. It's fairly silent overall, and Niall is going to take full advantage of it.

He flips open his notebook and turns to an empty page somewhere in the middle, peeling back a couple of the pages before it to get a sense of what he was working on last in the hopes that he can pick up right where he left off. He hums a simple tune under his breath as he reads, breaking off as he starts lightly bobbing his head along to the beat of the song on the radio playing throughout the cafe.

It's not a song he recognizes right off the bat so he's not really paying attention to it, but then a voice starts singing that causes Niall's heart to skip a beat.

_I went to Amsterdam without you and all I could do was think about you_

Niall _knows_ that voice. He hasn't heard it in over a year. He never thought he'd hear it again, if he's being honest with himself. But he knows it immediately. It's Louis.

_"What was in that bag you had earlier?" Louis asks. He's got one hand wrapped loosely around the neck of his beer bottle and the other makes a crude impression of a rucksack. Niall's taken aback for a moment; he hadn't realized Louis had been watching him before._

_"Stuff," Niall answers with a laugh. Louis rolls his eyes as Niall takes a long drink of his own beer. He's grinning when he pulls the bottle away, finding great amusement in the mildly annoyed look on Louis' face._

_"Fuck off," Louis says. "_ Stuff _," he repeats mockingly. "What sort of stuff?"_

 _"Stuff," Niall repeats, laughing again. "I dunno, normal stuff? A couple notebooks, some pens, y'know._ Stuff _."_

_"What are you, a writer or something?"_

_"Yeah." Niall shrugs. "Kind of."_

_"What've you written? Books?" Louis takes a swig of his beer and moves a little closer. "Anything I'd know?"_

_"Nah, nothing like that." Niall ducks his head, feeling bashful. There's a weird feeling blooming in his chest. It's not something he recognizes, he's never felt like this. His face feels warm and it's not because of the sweltering Pattaya City heat._

_He swipes his hand across his forehead anyway, wiping his palm against his shorts as Louis watches him and waits for further explanation. Niall looks away, his eyes darting around the resort around them._

_Louis had come up to him out of literally nowhere to strike up a conversation. Niall was only going to wander around the bar for a bit to get a sense of the room before he went out exploring, but he's been sat now for nearly an hour with Louis. He doesn't know how the time's passed that quickly or why Louis seemed to pick him out of everyone else in the room, and Niall can't quite decide if that's a good or a bad thing._

_"Well?" Louis asks. He doesn't sound impatient or demanding, simply curious. Niall looks at him again for a moment and finds himself smiling._

_"They say write what you know, yeah?" He laughs. "Well, I know traveling. So that's what I write about."_

_"Ah," Louis says knowingly. "So you're a bit of a nomad, then, huh?"_

_"You could say that," Niall replies, laughing again._

_"We're a bit the same, then." Louis grins. "Both get paid for traveling around the world. I imagine yours might be a bit more fun than mine, though."_

_"What? Why?" Niall tilts his head. "What do you do?"_

_Louis grins widely. "Nice try. We're talking about you, not me."_

_"What, are you a spy or something?"_

_"Fuck," Louis says, barking out a loud laugh. "A spy? Me? Mate, I'd be the worst spy ever. Can't keep a secret to save my bloody life."_

_"You're doing pretty well right now," Niall teases. Louis smiles and moves closer still. Niall can feel his body heat, almost see the individual lashes surrounding his eyes._

_"Wanna hear your story first," he says. "Promise I'll tell you mine later."_

_"Promise?"_

_Louis holds out his pinky finger and Niall snickers softly as he hooks his own around Louis', sealing the promise between them._

Niall snaps out of his head and back to reality when the waitress approaches his table with the meal he ordered. The radio switched over to a new song while he was lost in his memories, and Niall curses himself for not paying attention.

But just as the waitress takes her leave from Niall's table, the radio DJ comes on through the speakers and Niall catches the name _Louis Tomlinson_ amidst the jumble of German words that make no sense to his ears. He jerks slightly and knocks his utensils to the ground, catching the waitress' attention again.

"Alright?" she asks warily.

"Yeah, sorry, I…" Niall clears his throat and she comes back over. "Did you catch that?"

"What?"

"The, uhh, radio?" Niall points to the ceiling. "It mentioned something about, umm, Louis Tomlinson?"

The waitress just gives him a strange look and Niall immediately loses his nerve.

"Nevermind, sorry." He waves her off with an awkward laugh. "I'm good, don't worry about it."

Niall can feel her eyes on him, still giving him that same strange look as she walks away. He stares down at the plate she brought to him but he's no longer hungry. As he looks over the pages of his notebook, he can hardly concentrate enough to read one word. It's like there's an itch in the back of his mind; something hiding there that won't let him do anything else until it's sufficiently scratched.

Heaving a deep breath out through his mouth, Niall leans down and jams his hand back into his bag. He pulls out his planner again, bringing a few scraps of paper with it that scatter onto the floor around him and he curses under his breath as he scrambles to shove them back into his bag. He tosses the planner onto his notebook and allows himself a pause.

"Get a hold of yourself," he mumbles into his hands. He takes one long, deep breath, letting it out as slowly as he can before he flips his planner onto its front and opens the back cover.

There, in the pocket under the cover, is the photo of him and Louis. The one he found in his pocket after waking up on the beach alone in Thailand. He slides it out and can't stop himself from smiling as he looks down at Louis' face, pressed up against his own. _Remember me_.

Niall snorts a little. As if he could really forget Louis.

"Never told me you were a singer," he mutters as he slips the photo back into his planner and shuts it.

_Niall hesitates for a second before following Louis out of the elevator. Louis bounds forward without a care in the world but glances over his shoulder just after Niall's stepped into the hallway, smiling when he sees that Niall's still following._

_"C'mon, it's just down here."_

_Niall nods and slowly smiles back, but there's a voice in the back of his head that tells him he should be wary. He's following a stranger to their hotel room, of course he should be. But he_ likes _Louis more than he's liked anyone in a long time. He's already spent more time with him than he has with anyone who wasn't a tour guide since he first left home._

_Still, he hesitates again after Louis swipes his key card and opens the door to his hotel room. This time he waits for Louis to turn around and gesture him inside before he crosses the threshold._

_"You alright?" Louis asks. Niall doesn't answer, he's too busy looking around the room. It's massive; far larger than Niall's room that's several floors below. He hadn't thought of it as small before, he'd actually been rather impressed with its size up til now. "Niall?"_

_"Hmm?"_

_"You good?" There's an amused quirk to Louis' lips and Niall flushes._

_"Yeah. 'm good."_

_"Alright." Louis nods his head further into the room and takes a step backwards. "Shouldn't take me long to find it."_

_He disappears down a corridor, leaving Niall in the main part of the room. He takes a few steps forward towards the enormous windows on the far side, still marveling at the size of the space. For all he knows there could be half a dozen bedrooms that are all a part of this one room; lord knows why anyone would need that many in a single hotel room._

_Niall's still staring out the window when Louis returns with a small camera in his hand. He doesn't realize Louis is right next to him until he spots Louis' reflection in the window and he jerks a little in surprise._

_"Sorry," Louis says with a soft laugh. "Didn't mean to scare you."_

_"S'fine," Niall replies with a shrug, "was distracted, I guess."_

_"It's a nice view." Louis glances out the window and Niall clears his throat._

_"Is it just you staying here?" he asks, aiming as close to casual as he can manage._

_"Nah," Louis shakes his head as he turns away from the window. "There's a couple of us. I thought me best mate would be in here, but seems he's run off."_

_"D'you need to find him?"_

_"Nah," Louis repeats. He takes Niall's wrist in his hand and pulls him over to the couch, bringing him down onto the cushions with a gentle tug. "Li can take care of himself, he's a big boy."_

_Niall snorts a little as he makes himself comfortable. They're sitting close even though the couch is large enough that they don't need to be. Silence echoes louder than their breathing and it does nothing for Niall's nerves. He clears his throat and gestures towards the camera in Louis' hands; it's the whole reason they came up here in the first place._

_"See you found it, then."_

_"I did," Louis replies proudly as he brandishes it towards Niall and presses a button on the front to extend the lens. "Wasn't just some ruse to get you up here."_

_"I didn't--"_

_"It's alright." Louis chuckles softly. "Just taking the piss."_

_He lifts it up to his face and snaps a photo before Niall can really process what's happening. A second later, he's blinking from the brightness of the flash and Louis is laughing._

_"Gotcha," he says as the camera spits out a photo. He tosses it onto the table in front of them and Niall rubs his eyes._

_"That'll be shit. Wasn't ready."_

_"Well, we'll have to take a good one, won't we?" Louis scoots a bit closer and pulls Niall against his side. "Ready?"_

_He's got a tight grip on Niall's waist, keeping him in place. Niall doesn't stop to think about it before he drapes his arm across Louis' shoulders and leans into him._

_"Ready," he says, smiling widely as Louis takes their picture._

When Niall wakes up the following morning, he's managed to forget about hearing Louis' song on the radio the day before. There's no reason for him to dwell on it, really. A couple weeks was enough to erase Louis from Niall's mind pretty thoroughly after the night he spent with him in Thailand.

Before hearing his song, the only time Niall had thought about Louis was when he'd switched over to a new planner at the end of last year. He'd kept the photo of them in his old one and when it came time to start using the new one, he stared long and hard at the photo before slipping it into the sleeve of the back cover. It was as simple as that; no pretense of it meaning anything more than a memory of a fun night.

He's got an hour or two to kill before heading to the train station. He's traveling north to a coastal town instead of heading for another major city, and he's looking forward to getting out into the countryside.

Having spent the last year traipsing up and down through the countries spread across Africa, the change in scenery is more jarring than he expected. He'd gotten used to going days without seeing much of anyone, and now even half-empty streets seem too crowded. Maybe, Niall thinks, just maybe being on a coast will do him some good. If nothing else, perhaps it'll bring about a sliver of peace.

With all of his possessions safely tucked away in his rucksack, Niall goes down to the corner shop to get a couple snacks for his train ride. There's a meal car, he made sure of that when booking the ticket, but he'll inevitably need something to supplement.

It's a tiny shop that he's wandered into a few times in the days he's spent in Düsseldorf, so he more or less knows his way around. He's feeling indecisive though and he knows there's time to spare, so he takes it slow when walking down the aisle and looks at every possibility with careful eyes. It's quiet in the shop apart from the radio playing through speakers overhead, lulling Niall into apathy towards the noise until he hears a voice he recognizes.

_I went to Amsterdam without you and all I could do was think about you_

He freezes with his arm half-reaching for a bag of crisps. He glances up at the ceiling for a minute, staring at the speaker like it's betraying him on purpose. After he takes the bag of crisps off the shelf, he looks around to see if anyone caught him staring at the ceiling like a lunatic. He's alone in the aisle, but Louis' voice is still flowing through the speakers, filling Niall's ears and bringing back memories he doesn't have time to relive.

Nall shakes it off, snatches a few items at random, and makes his way to the front of the shop to pay for them. He leaves the shop before the song ends, but it's already done the damage. It's in his head now; Louis' words spinning around so fast it's making Niall dizzy.

He kneels down and tugs his rucksack off his shoulders, digging around for his headphones and iPod. It's a brick of a thing, one of the first generations, but Niall loves it and it's been with him through thick and thin. He jabs the earbuds in and puts his entire library on shuffle. He relaxes a bit as Frank Sinatra fills his ears and he lets out a breath.

He takes care in packing up his snacks, letting the music soothe his frazzled nerves. Hearing Louis once was weird enough, but twice? Niall can't help but wonder if the universe is taunting him for some reason.

Regardless of otherworldly teasing, Niall pushes all thoughts of Louis out of his mind and decides to head to the train station early. It's less busy than he expected and he manages to find a quiet corner where he can sit and wait for his train.

He keeps his earbuds in as he pulls his notebook out and starts making annotations in his notes; marking which bits he'll focus on in his final piece versus what could be left out. Half an hour passes with Niall working before he removes one of his earbuds to listen to an announcement that plays over the loudspeakers. It turns out not to be related to his train, but it piques his interest enough that he puts his notebook away and gets up to check the schedule, all the while leaving one earbud out.

He doesn't really notice its absence as he reads over the timetable until once again, a voice he knows all too well starts singing.

_I went to Amsterdam without you and all I could do was think about you_

Niall curses under his breath and scrambles to shove his earbud back in. He leaves the main terminal, heading for the track his train will depart from even though it won't be there for another fifteen minutes.

He finds a bench to sit down on and takes his rucksack off, keeping it between his legs as he puts his head in his hands. He closes his eyes and takes one deep breath after another, letting them out slowly to ward off a possible panic attack. It helps to calm him down, but it does nothing to prevent his mind from conjuring up more memories of Louis.

Soon enough it doesn't matter if his eyes are open or closed, all Niall sees is Louis.

_"Tell me again how you found this place?" Louis asks with a skeptical edge to his voice. Niall stifles a laugh and continues weaving his way through the crowd with Louis trailing close behind._

_"Heard about it from a friend," he says._

_"So you haven't been here before?" Niall glances back at Louis, who's got the most dubious look on his face that Niall's ever seen._

_"Nope."_

_"Was it a good friend of yours?" Louis goes on. "Or, like, could he have been trying to kill you?"_

_"Well," Niall pauses, clicking his tongue twice before he decides to reveal the truth. Sort of. "When I say_ friend _, I meant more like an acquaintance. Sort of." He shrugs his shoulders. Louis pushes through the crowd to get in front of Niall and stares him down._

_"What d'you mean, 'a sort of acquaintance'?"_

_"Thought you wanted an adventure," Niall says. He raises his eyebrows in a challenge and Louis narrows his eyes at him. They stay locked in a staring contest for a few more seconds before Louis breathes out in a huff._

_"S'pose I did. But if I get food poisoning or, like,_ die _, I'm blaming you."_

_"If you die, reckon I would as well."_

_Louis grins. "Good. Then we're in this together."_

_Niall can't explain the warm feeling in his chest that spreads further the longer Louis looks at him. He's never had a companion before, and he knows this probably won't last longer than tonight. For all he knows they'll split up again within an hour or two._

_"So, where do we start?" Louis asks. His eyes sparkle with mischief and Niall's stomach does a flip._

_"This way," he says, leading Louis down a row of stalls that all have steady streams of smoke emanating from them. Niall doesn't really know where he's going, but that's half the fun._

The shrill, harsh sound of a train whistle screeches over the sound of the music coming from his headphones and snaps Niall out of his thoughts and he jumps, nearly knocking himself off the bench he's sitting on in the process. He shoulders his rucksack and gets up, walking towards the edge of the platform as his train approaches. He finds a seat in an empty compartment, picking on in the back corner near the window.

The plan was to work more on organizing his notes, but his mind is just a mess. It doesn't make sense how the things he's had with him for literal ages - well before he ever met Louis - now all remind him of one stupid night over a year ago and a boy he never expected to see or think about for more than a few minutes at a time again.

Niall can't help but feel angry about it, because it's just not fair. He has things to do; new places to see, new experiences to have, and he's been doing just fine on his own. He's been living this way for years without a problem, and now this? Just because he's heard one song a few times doesn't mean he should be forced to replay all of these memories. He's had plenty of memorable nights since that one, why's this one night coming back to haunt him. What made Louis so damn special?

_"You still haven't told me what you write," Louis says after they've finished the impressive pile of food they'd collected from all corners of the market. Niall mirrors the same dubious look that Louis had given him an hour ago and laughs loudly._

_"I told you, I write about traveling. You still haven't said what it is that_ you _do."_

_"All in good time," Louis replies with a smirk. Niall rolls his eyes and mutters under his breath a rather unflattering comment comparing Louis to Mr. Miyagi. Louis, to his credit, pretends not to hear it. "Now listen, I tried all the things you asked me to. Even the…" Louis gestures to the plate on Niall's side of the table that once held all manner of deep fried insects. "I should get something in return."_

_Niall snorts; Louis had been reluctant to try them at first, but had been convinced in the end and turned out to enjoy them quite well. Niall suspects that he should've known Louis would use it against him regardless._

_"Is that right?"_

_"S'only fair." Louis grins widely._

_"Alright, umm…" Niall sighs softly, scratching his head. He's not embarrassed by what he does, quite the contrary, but it's always a bit weird explaining it to people outside of the tourism industry. Some look down on him for it, some people seem to think he's far more important than he really is. It's not like he's got some international travel tv show or something, he's just a simple boy with a blog. "I'm a… a travel blogger, I guess, is the term."_

_"A what?"_

_"Like," Niall huffs a little, "I travel around and write about what I see and do and," Niall gestures to the table. "Eat. I write it all up on my blog every few weeks and, I dunno. People seem to like it."_

_"And you get paid for that?" Niall nods. "Wicked."_

_Niall shrugs, smiling bashfully. "It's pretty cool, yeah."_

_"How'd you get started doing that?"_

_"Just sort of… fell into it." Niall shrugs again. "I left home when I was about 17 and started keeping sort of a journal online and… the rest is history?" He chuckles ruefully. "I've been bouncing around the world ever since."_

_"You haven't gone back?"_

_"To Ireland?" Niall shakes his head. "Nah."_

_"Why not?"_

_"Why do you want to know?" Niall laughs uneasily. "Nosy bugger."_

_"Just curious, is all." To Niall's surprise, Louis drops the subject. He stays quiet for a while, dropping his eyes down to the table before he speaks again. "So, do you write about everything that happens?"_

_"Pretty much, yeah."_

_"Would you write about me?" Louis asks with a cheeky grin, lifting his eyes up from the table and looking straight into Niall's. Niall flushes in response and reaches for his drink, avoiding the question for as long as he can. Even as he looks away, he can't hide from Louis' eyes; they stay glued to him in the silence that follows, sparkling with that same mischievous look. Finally, Niall relents._

_"Reckon I will," he says quietly. "Long as I've got something to write about."_

_"Is that a challenge?" Louis asks, his smile growing larger as he leans forward over the table towards Niall._

_"Maybe," Niall answers, fighting a cocky smile of his own. Louis gives him a considering look and then stands up and extends his hand to Niall._

_"C'mon, then. We've got places to be."_

Niall spends half the train ride asleep and the other half trying to stay asleep. He keeps his iPod on to drown out his own thoughts when he's awake, thankful that Louis hasn't yet started to appear in his dreams. Niall's awake when the battery runs out with twenty minutes of the journey left, and he stares out the window with his earbuds still in. It doesn't take long for his mind to drift back to Louis, traitorous as ever.

He didn't end up writing about that night over a year ago. The reasoning is a little fuzzy now, but Niall thinks it might've been because it hadn't felt real. It was too good of a night, too perfect of an experience for him to properly describe.

He rubs his eyes, pressing the heels of his hands against the sockets as he lets out a soft, humorless laugh. It's ironic, the way he'd avoided writing about that night, only to have it come back to haunt him now. Maybe if he'd written about it he wouldn't been able to avoid this.

The idea sounds ridiculous even as he thinks it, but he can't stop wondering all the same. Had he brought this on himself by purposefully not writing about Louis? Maybe he'd subconsciously wanted to keep it private; something special just between the two of them.

Niall knocks his head against the window and heaves a deep sigh. Why couldn't Louis do the same? Why did he have to go and write a song about it?

_Louis keeps shushing Niall the whole way to the beach, as though he's not just as drunk or laughing just as hard. They're bound to be obnoxious to passersby and Niall knows it, but he can't be bothered to care. Louis has a bottle half-shoved down his pants, making it even harder for him to walk normally when added to the alcohol he's already drunk._

_They knock into each other more often than not by the time they reach the sand. They get about halfway between the street behind them and the ocean ahead when Louis suddenly drops down to the sand and tugs Niall down next to him._

_"Ow," Niall says, trying to turn his smile into a frown as he rubs the spot where his head collided with Louis' shoulder._

_Louis stifles another laugh, trying to cover it up with a noise of concern. Niall pushes him away, but leans into him seconds later when Louis tosses his arm around Niall's shoulders. Louis presses his mouth to the side of Niall's head, kissing the ache away._

_"Better?" he asks softly as Niall turns his head to look at him._

_"A bit," Niall replies. Louis smiles at him and then leans in, pressing their lips together. Niall cups the back of Louis' head with one hand, keeping him in place as he kisses Louis back._

_"Hang on," Louis mumbles, pulling away for a moment to yank the bottle out from under his waistband._

_"Is that a bottle in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Niall teases._

_"Cheeky," Louis breathes out before he kisses Niall again. He drops the bottle onto the sand and pushes Niall onto his back, crawling on top of him as they keep kissing._

_It's further than they went before; full-on snogging instead of the casual kisses they shared in Niall's hotel room. Niall feels breathless within seconds and he can feel Louis absolutely everywhere. It's like nothing he's ever felt before. He's hooked up with plenty of other people, but he knows it's never been anything like this._

_He rolls Louis onto his back and pulls up, hovering over him while he tries to catch his breath It's not easy to do, especially with Louis staring up at him with hunger in his eyes._

_"Hey," Louis whispers, his eyes going soft. Niall's heart is pounding so loud he barely even hears Louis speak. "Everything alright?"_

_"Yeah," Niall answers after a beat. "Yeah, of course."_

_"Then why'd you stop?" Louis asks as he lifts himself up to kiss him again. Niall lets himself be pulled down, but within a minute or two he's pulling away again._

_"Sorry," he breathes out. "Shit, sorry."_

_"It's okay," Louis tells him. "You don't have to--"_

_"It's not--" Niall exhales sharply as he rolls off Louis and drops onto his back against the sand. "It's just… a lot."_

_"Too much?" Louis asks, propping himself up with his elbow. Niall laughs nervously._

_"Maybe?" He winces as Louis' face falls a bit, and he tries to backtrack. "No, it's just… I hardly know you, y'know? All I really know is your name is Louis and…" Niall's cheeks redden, "you're a great kisser."_

_"Well, that's not bad," Louis says with a half-smile. He stares down at the sand between them and the silence is deafening. Niall tries not to fidget but the more seconds that pass, the more panic sets in._

_"You don't have to talk about yourself if you don't want," he says, although it's not exactly the truth. He desperately wants to know more about him. Louis is a mystery wrapped in an enigma and Niall's already hooked. To his relief, Louis only makes him wait a little while before he lifts his eyes again and smiles warmly._

_"My name's Louis Tomlinson," he says, "I'm from Doncaster, I've got five sisters and one brother. My favorite color's red, probably thanks to my favorite footie team. I drink tea, not coffee, which makes me even less of a morning person than you might expect."_

_Niall starts laughing again, bright and loud. Louis just smiles at him until he's calm down enough, and then he chuckles lightly._

_"I came to Thailand with some mates for a holiday, but I'm rather glad I ditched them because I met you, and I quite like you, Niall."_

_Niall swallows hard as he stares at Louis, feeling his face go red hot._

_"I quite like you as well, Louis." He lifts himself up and rolls onto his side so he can press a single kiss to Louis' lips._

_"Feels like I've known you for ages," Louis admits softly. "Isn't that mad?"_

_"Yeah," Niall laughs and ducks his head for a moment. "But I know what you mean."_

_Louis smiles, and then leans in for another kiss. Niall half expects to be pinned again, so he's a little confused when Louis pulls back._

_"We're leaving in the morning," he says in a bit of a rush. "Come with us."_

_"To Amsterdam?" Niall laughs._

_"Yeah."_

_"I can't," Niall says. "It's…" he shakes his head, "it's not part of my plan."_

_"It'd be an adventure," Louis says. "You love adventure, don't you?" Niall rolls his eyes._

_"Louis," he murmurs. "I… I can't."_

_"Yeah, I know." Louis sighs softly. "I get it."_

_"Lou--"_

_"No, I do," he interrupts. "I'm not, like, taking the piss. Just…"_

_"What?"_

_"Y'know." Louis shrugs. "Doesn't stop me from wishing you'd come along anyway."_

Niall steps off the train with a renewed sense of positivity. He's still got a bus ride to look forward to, and with a dead iPod he's got nothing to distract him from his own thoughts. He tells himself that once he gets to the coast, everything will be fine; he'll be able to breathe again. Louis will go back to being nothing more than a distant memory, just as he should be.

He stops to ask for directions to the bus station, feeling rather foolish when the attendant points to a sign right behind him that leads the way. She smiles politely and he imagines she must get questions like that all the time, but he still feels embarrassed. he ducks his head as he exits the train station, keeping to himself as he heads for the bus depot.

There's a line of people waiting to talk to the man behind the counter, which is where Niall needs to pick up his ticket, so he gets into line and sighs softly. It's lucky that he's got time to spare. He's been in line for maybe ten minutes by the time he makes it ot the front of the queue, and that's when it happens. He hears Louis' voice again.

_I went to Amsterdam without you and all I could do was think about you._

His heart goes from its normal rhythm to pounding in under a second; his hands shake as he fights the urge to cover his ears. It's just not _fair_.

The person at the ticket window leaves and suddenly it's Niall's turn. He steps up but when he opens his mouth, nothing comes out. The man behind the counter looks at him expectantly and Niall can't do a damn thing to move himself along. The more time that passes, the more impatient the man becomes, and Niall starts to panic. All he has to do is give his name to pick up his ticket. Two words and this mess is over and done with.

But he just _can't_.

"Sir, if you--"

"I need a ticket to Amsterdam," Niall blurts out, far louder than necessary. The man behind the counter stares at him for a moment before he moves to print him a ticket for the next bus. He keeps looking warily at Niall as he takes payment and slides the ticket over in return. Even as Niall walks away he feels the man's eyes boring into his back. It's quite possibly the most awkward experience Niall's had in a while, and he curses under his breath.

"It's all your fault," he mutters, even though the person he's talking to isn't even there. Who knows where Louis is. He, like Niall, could be anywhere in the world.

Niall slumps down in a seat in the terminal with his arms wrapped around his rucksack. The bus to Amsterdam leaves later than his originally planned bus, and it's going to take hours to get there. With all the waiting he's got to look forward to, Niall has a sinking feeling that he's not going to be able to think about anything except Louis the whole way there.

_"Why are we going to my room, again? Niall asks as the elevator dings and the doors open on his floor. Louis smiles as he steps out into the hallway first, turning around to look at Niall as he answers._

_"Because fair's fair." His smile turns into a smirk. "I showed you mine, now you can show me yours."_

_"Is that right?" Niall asks with a wry chuckle. "Didn't realize we were back in primary."_

_"C'mon," Louis says as he tugs on Niall's hand. "Which way?"_

_Niall hesitates slightly, letting Louis pull him along the hallway for a couple of steps before he starts moving of his own accord. There's a thrum under his skin; a small thrill he gets just from Louis' company, and it's growing larger the longer they stay together. He doesn't know where the night's going to end but he has his hopes, and from the looks of Louis' eyes, he's got the same ones._

_"Alright," Niall says, keeping a hold of Louis' hand as he pulls him back in the opposite direction. "Down this way."_

_Louis knocks his hips against Niall's as they amble down the corridor. They've long since sobered up from the drinks they had down in the bar but Niall's limbs feel loose all the same. He's hyper aware of his senses and it makes him long for the numbing buzz of alcohol. It's already all too much, and nothing's even happened._

_"This is it." Niall pauses in front of his door, feeling hesitant again now that they've arrived. His room is nowhere near as impressive as Louis' and he_ knows _Louis knows that and it shouldn't matter. But knowing that doesn't quell the nerves causing his stomach to flip uncomfortably as he opens the door._

_He lets Louis go in first. Their rooms are similar in style, though drastically different in size. With a few steps Louis has already explored the whole room while Niall hovers near the door. There's not really anything of his that Louis could steal, not that Niall's worried about it. His whole life fits in a rucksack, and he's rather proud of that fact._

_"This is it?" Louis asks._

_"Well," Niall clears his throat, "I know it's not as impressive as what you've got, but--"_

_"No, it's not--" Louis laughs a little. "I meant, like, this." He gestures to Niall's belongings. "This is all you've got?"_

_Niall shrugs. "You were expecting something else?"_

_"I just… I dunno, I guess I thought you'd have a bunch of little trinkets, and stuff." He runs his fingers over the length of Niall's notebook, across the surface of Niall's laptop, and lets out a little sigh. "Y'know, souvenirs and stuff."_

_"Then I'd have to lug it all around all the time," Niall replies with a bit of a laugh. "That'd get old real quick."_

_"Right." Louis nods. "Yeah, of course." He taps his fingers on Niall's laptop and sighs again. "But, like, don't you want something to remember it all by?"_

_"That's what the blog's for, innit?" Niall shrugs again. "Besides, I don't really look back."_

_"What d'you mean?"_

_"I…" Niall sighs. "I travel, yeah? That's what I do. I see as much of a country as I can before I move on to the next, and when I'm done… I don't go back."_

_"Ever?" Louis comes towards him and Niall shakes his head. "Why not?"_

_"The unknown's part of the adventure, innit? There's always somewhere new to go." Louis' close to him now, close enough to touch. Niall's hand twitches towards him, but he doesn't move. "If I went back, I… I reckon I wouldn't know what to do with myself."_

_Louis frowns at that. Niall swallows hard and looks away. He's never said it out loud before and now that he has, he wishes he hadn't. When he looks at Louis again he's got a half formed plan in his head to backtrack and try to explain himself, but he doesn't get a chance to say anything before Louis leans in and kisses him._

It's late by the time the bus pulls into the depot in Amsterdam. It's late, it's dark, and Niall has nowhere to go. He hasn't been without a plan since the first time he left home and it's got his mind so frazzled that he feels in a daze before he even steps off the bus.

Niall manages to find his way to the nearest metro station, and it's pure dumb luck that the trains are still running. He takes the first one that pulls into the station and gets off somewhere down the line in the hopes he can find a place to stay. The streets are fairly well peopled for the time of night and it strangely gives Niall some small source of comfort. At the very least, he doesn't feel alone.

Within ten minutes of walking he finds a small hotel and within another twenty, he's standing in a small room that's barely big enough for the bed inside it. He takes off his rucksack and sits down, putting his head in his hands as he releases a long breath.

"What am I doing here?" he murmurs under his breath. "Why did I do this?"

He doesn't have an answer to his question, at least not one that will make any sense if he says it aloud. Everything's all muddled up in his head and it doesn't really seem like it's going to get any better.

Between one second and the next, Niall decides to venture back out into the city. He leaves his rucksack behind, not bothering to unpack any part of it before he leaves. All he has in his pocket is his wallet, and as far as he's concerned, that's all he needs.

The one good decision he makes is to get a good look at the entrance of his hotel and repeat the name of it to himself several times, so at the _very_ least he'll be able to ask for directions if he manages to get himself lost somewhere along the way.

He wanders aimlessly through the streets, dodging passers-by who clearly have somewhere to be. It doesn't occur to him until he pauses on a bridge overlooking one of the many rivers flowing through the city that he hasn't heard Louis' voice once since he arrived. He expected to feel relieved, or even happy, but instead he doesn't really feel much at all.

Niall supposes he should be glad that it isn't affecting him. It was probably all in his head anyway and maybe he just needed some time to himself without Louis' song buzzing in his ear to realize that he was being a bit stupid. There's no reason for him to get all flustered over a song written by a bloke he spent one night with. It's probably not even _about_ him. Niall was just being ridiculous, is all.

"He probably doesn't even remember me," Niall murmurs to himself as he starts walking again.

He continues his trek through the city until he happens upon a club. There's a burly man standing near the door but he doesn't move to stop Niall from entering. Once he's inside, the music is so loud it's practically deafening, with a beat that reverberates straight down to Niall's bones, and the room is so packed with people that it's hard to get anywhere without bumping into someone.

Surprisingly, Niall finds it's just what he needs.

He pushes through the crowd of people to get to the bar and orders a drink, downing it quickly enough that the bartender hardly has time to make someone else their own before Niall's waving him down again.

Three and a half drinks later, Niall's out in the middle of the dance floor. A pretty redheaded girl with a nice smile presses against him and doesn't push his hand away when it lands on her waist. But by the start of the next song, she's disappeared back into the crowd. A couple make eyes at him, staring at him with enough lust in their eyes to make Niall a little hot under the collar, but they make no moves towards him and Niall finds himself slipping into the crowd to avoid their gaze.

A warm body presses up behind him during a slower song and a firm arm wraps around Niall's waist. When Niall looks down he sees ink scattered across the person's skin but the lights of the club make it difficult for him to pick out any definite shapes. Their hold is firm but gentle and Niall melts a little against them, pushing back so their bodies move as one to the beat of the song playing overhead.

Niall hears a low rumble close to his ear with the accompanying rush of air that comes from speaking, but he can't make out what words were said. He tilts his head to the side to get a look at the bloke behind him but he's distracted by the smile immediately. It's kind yet suggestive, as if the fingers sneaking towards the button of Niall's jeans weren't obvious enough, and the dimple at the corner of his mouth is even more enticing.

Between one second and the next, Niall leans forward and kisses the stranger. The hand pressed against his belly jerks initially, but then the fingers dig in and another hand appears on Niall's other hip. Niall fists his hand in the bloke's hair, twisting his fingers into the curly locks. Niall's mostly empty cup falls to the floor when he's turned around, the bloke's hands now holding onto his hips as they grind against each other.

It's good, it _feels_ good - Niall would be lying if he said it didn't - but there's a nagging feeling at the back of his mind that won't go away. When Niall pulls back to catch his breath he looks up from the mouth he's been kissing and sees a pair of eyes staring back at him, he realizes that this isn't what he wants.

"Sorry," he breathes out in a rush, even though the bloke probably can't even hear him. He pulls away and quickly makes a beeline for the door of the club, not once looking back.

Once he's outside in the evening air, he presses a hand to his chest and closes his eyes. It feels a bit like he's having a panic attack so he forces himself to take a few deep breaths as he steadies himself on two feet. The effect of his drinks hits him a little harder than he expected when he opens his eyes, but he starts stumbling down the sidewalk anyway.

Somehow, he manages to find his way back to his hotel with minimal damage to his ego. He avoids the eyes of the girl behind the front desk as he passes by, and it's a hard fight not to sit down in the lift as it takes him up to his floor.

Niall falls face-first onto the bed as soon as the door closes behind him, plunging his room into near-total darkness. There's a sliver of light coming in through the crack in the curtains over the window, but he can't be bothered to get up to pull them shut properly. He rolls over so he's facing the door instead and kicks off his shoes.

He closes his eyes and he can almost feel the bloke's hands on him again. His mind drifts back to the club, but instead of picturing his face, Niall sees Louis. He opens his eyes again and laughs softly.

"I went to Amsterdam without you," he sings softly, "and all I could do was think about you."

*

When Niall wakes up, the small sliver of light peeking in through the curtains is blinding. While he was sleeping he turned onto his back and as a result, the light now shines directly across his eyes as soon as he opens them. He groans and shies away from it, clutching his head when it starts to throb. He catches a glimpse of the clock on the bedside table and groans again. He's slept half the day away already.

It's not the end of the world by any means, it's barely even a problem. It's not like he has an itinerary to get through, or anything. He's not even supposed to be in Amsterdam.

As a result, Niall doesn't let himself feel guilty about pulling the sheets up over his head and going back to sleep for another few hours.

When he wakes up the second time, several more hours have gone by and he feels even groggier than he did before. He pulls himself out of bed this time and drags his feet as he heads for the shower, thinking maybe he'll feel more human after he cleans himself up.

It's late afternoon by the time Niall makes it out of the hotel with a rumble in his stomach. He luckily had the wherewithal to ask the concierge for directions to the nearest pub so he knows exactly where he's going and won't be left wandering the streets like he did the night before. He's relieved to find the pub is exactly what he's looking for - a quiet place with a small menu and a wide selection of beer on tap.

He slides onto a stool at the bar and smiles genially at the bartender when he comes over. They chat for a while as Niall takes a look at the menu, ordering a pint to start and a simple burger to quell his grumbling stomach. The pub is mostly empty save for a few other patrons scattered around the place, and Niall's pleased to note that in place of a radio playing overhead, the only sound comes from the TVs plastered up on the walls showing the match of the day.

It's not hard at all for Niall to settle in. He thinks he might just stay here well into the evening, especially if the place stays quiet like it is now.

And it does, for the most part. A few more patrons come and go as the time passes. Every time Niall's glass empties, the bartender refills it. He's got a nice buzz going by the end of his second pint and he's been poking at his mostly-cold chips for about half an hour.

"Another?" the bartender asks.

"Please," Niall replies.

The door to the pub opens but Niall pays it no mind at all. That is, until whoever came in comes to sit down on Niall's left side. He glances at the bloke and smiles politely, but in his head he can't help but think _there are other seats, mate_.

The bartender comes back with Niall's third pint and places a coaster in front of the new bloke, who hums for a moment before he points to Niall's glass.

"I'll have what he's having."

Niall tries not to acknowledge this, instead he just sips on his pint and tries to focus on the footie game he's been paying half-attention to. Out of the corner of his eye he can see the bloke reach for the menu and look it over while he hums to himself. Niall's got half a mind to move one seat over but seeing as how he was here _first_ , he figures he can't move just based on principle.

"Was that any good?"

"Huh?" Niall turns his head at the question, and sees the bloke pointing at the remains of his burger.

"Your food, was it good?"

For some reason, Niall's mind chooses _that_ moment to connect the dots of the bloke's accent and realize that somehow he's managed to get a Brit for a pub neighbor. It takes another few seconds for Niall's mind to catch up to the question at hand and he chuckles lightly.

"Yeah, yeah, it was."

"Cool," he replies, just as the bartender comes back. "Can I get one of those, as well?"

Niall snickers softly into his pint, caught between watching the footie game and the bartender's unfazed reaction. As soon as he disappears, the bloke lifts his glass and holds it out to Niall.

"Cheers, mate."

"Cheers," Niall replies as he clinks his glass against the other. He starts to turn his attention back to the game, but his sneaking suspicion that he's not going to be left alone any time soon is proven right only seconds later.

"Niall, right?"

"Umm…" Niall chokes a little as he scrambles to try and remember if he's met this bloke before. Did he hook up with _him_ too at the club last night and completely forget? "Do I know you?"

"Nah, no, sorry," the bloke chuckles, "you run a travel blog, yeah? 'The Traveling Irishman'?"

Niall winces a little. He still hates that he couldn't come up with anything cleverer when he was seventeen. "Yeah, that's… that's me."

"I thought so!" He extends his hand. "I'm Liam."

"Good to meet you," Niall replies, shaking Liam's hand.

"Didn't mean to like, bother you, or anything." Liam laughs again. "It's just, my best mate is, like, obsessed with your blog. He checks it every day."

Niall snorts. "He knows I don't update every day, right?"

"Yeah, of course." Liam laughs louder this time. "I think he's just always hoping you're gonna post more or something, I dunno."

Niall tips his glass towards Liam. "Tell him thanks, then."

Liam grins widely. "I definitely will. He'll be well jealous that I met you, I reckon."

"Maybe your best mate needs to get out more," Niall says. He only realizes how it sounded after it's already tumbled out of his mouth, and he curses under his breath for how shitty his mind to mouth filter is after he's had a few pints.

Strangely, Liam seems to find Niall's statement absolutely hilarious, given the way he can't seem to stop laughing. Niall's cheeks flush with embarrassment and he takes another drink from his glass as he waits for Liam to get a hold of himself.

"Sorry, sorry," Liam says, gasping for breath a bit through a few stray giggles. "Bit of an inside joke, really."

"Okay," Niall replies as he clears his throat. "Was worried I'd offended you, for a minute."

"Nah, no worries." Liam smiles warmly. "So, are you in Amsterdam for a while, or is it just a stopover before your next adventure?"

Niall's mouth twitches with a smile. "Thought it was your best mate who was a fan."

Liam shrugs. "He's gotta have somebody to talk to about it, yeah?"

"Yeah," Niall chuckles, "s'pose so."

Niall starts to enjoy Liam's company rather quickly, no longer minding that his solitude was interrupted. Their conversation covers a multitude of topics, but the one they keep coming back to is one Niall knows well: travel.

As it turns out, Liam's done his fair share of traveling as well. He keeps mum regarding the specifics, but Niall finds it doesn't really matter. They swap stories of countries they've both been to and give recommendations of ones they haven't. Niall gets another pint when his empties, keeping an eye on Liam's even though he takes far longer to get just halfway through it.

When Liam's pint is nearly empty the bartender comes by to offer him another round, but Liam declines. Niall masks his disappointment but he can't deny that he's a bit sad that this means their time together is probably ending soon.

He glances over his shoulder and sees that night has long since fallen, which means far more time has passed than he expected. He can't be sure when Liam came in or how long they've been talking, but unlike Niall, Liam's surely got somewhere to be.

"Good talking to you, mate," Niall says, keeping his tone light and casual as Liam pays his tab.

"You, too." Liam grins broadly. "Got plans for the rest of the night?"

Niall shrugs, gesturing to his nearly empty pint glass. "Probably just this."

Liam frowns. Niall looks away, feeling his cheeks go red. He'll probably head back to Germany tomorrow; hopefully his room on the coast will still be available and they won't mind him being two days late. This whole trip will be nothing but a blip, a tiny mistake that Niall will happily forget.

"How'd you like to come to a party?" Liam asks. Niall pauses with his glass halfway up to his lips, thinking perhaps he'd misheard.

"A party?"

"Yeah," Liam says as he checks the time on his phone. "It's already started, but if I bring you along my mate definitely won't yell at me." Liam pauses for a moment and tilts his head. "Well, he _probably_ won't."

"Can't have that, can we?" Niall snickers. Liam smiles widely, knowing he's won without much of a fight.

Niall signals for his bill and finishes off his pint, leaving a nice tip for the bartender before he stands up and sways a bit on his feet. Liam puts a steady hand on his shoulder and Niall laughs a little.

"Haven't stood up in… a while," he admits.

"That's alright," Liam tells him. "We're not going that far, don't worry."

Liam leads the way to a hotel a few blocks over, one much nicer than the place Niall stumbled upon. He whistles softly as they walk across the lobby to the lifts, watching the light as it reflects off the floor and makes everything around them sparkle.

"Fancy," he remarks under his breath.

"Bit too much for the likes of me, if I'm honest," Liam says in a low voice as the lift dings and the doors open.

"Me too." Niall laughs. "You sure we're in the right place?"

"Yeah," Liam replies as he leads the way into the lift and slides his keycard before pressing the button for the top floor. "I'm sure."

*

If Niall had any doubts about the legitimacy of Liam's party, they immediately disappear once the lift opens on the top floor. It's impossible to miss, given that the doors open directly into the room that encompasses the entirety of the top floor. It's certainly not what Niall was expecting, and he can't help but wonder if he's made a mistake before he even takes one step forward.

Liam waves him in, leading the way through the throng of people gathered all around them. There's music blasting from the far side of the room and it's practically impossible for Niall to _think_ let along process everything he's seeing. Liam gets stopped by no less than half a dozen people as he weaves his way forward, and if he didn't keep checking to make sure Niall was still following, Niall probably would've made a run for it.

"Ah! There he is!" Liam says, smiling at Niall over his shoulder and pointing forward. "Tommo!"

Niall stands on tiptoe to peer around Liam to see who he's pointing to, and freezes mid-step. His hair's gotten longer and there's a few days' worth of scruff on his face, but there's no mistaking him. It's Louis.

"Payno! Where've you been?!" Louis shouts over the commotion, and Niall ducks back behind Liam to hide his face.

"You'll never guess who I ran into!" Liam shouts back, and Niall's mind goes straight into panic mode.

He's not ready for this. This was never supposed to happen. Out of all the people who could've sat down next to him in that pub, it had to be _Louis_ ' best mate?

Niall makes a split second decision. He runs away.

Taking a hard left away from Louis and Liam, he pushes through the crowd until he reaches a wall. From there, he follows the wall along until he comes to a door which luckily opens on his first try.

He shuts the door behind him before he fumbles around for the light, leaving him in a dark room for a few seconds before he finds the switch. He lets out a laugh when he realizes he managed to find the toilet out of all the possibilities that door could've held. After making sure the door's locked behind him, Niall steps forward towards the sink and turns on the tap, letting it run for a few seconds before he splashes water on his face.

 _Of all the gin joints in all the world_ , Niall thinks to himself as he stares at his face in the mirror. He splashes his face with water a few more times, but nothing changes. He's not dreaming. He just saw Louis.

There's a loud banging on the door and it startles Niall so much that he has to cling to the sink just to make sure he doesn't topple over.

"Fuck's sake," he mutters, jumping again when the banging continues. "Just a minute!" he shouts.

The person on the other side of the door doesn't let up, causing Niall to scrub a towel over his face haphazardly as he goes to open the door. He flings it open, ready to give them a piece of his mind, but his words fail the moment he sees who's on the other side.

Louis is standing there with his fist still in the air, looking just as stunned to see Niall as Niall is to see him. They both stand there staring at each other in silence, neither hearing the blaring music around them over the pounding of their hearts.

"I--" Louis starts, and Niall holds his breath. There's easily a hundred different things Louis could say right now, but-- "I need to wee."

That wasn't what Niall was expecting.

"Oh," Niall replies, defeated. He tosses the towel he's been holding off to the side, not caring one bit where it lands. "Sure."

He pushes past Louis, already feeling so fucking foolish for thinking he'd be remembered but telling himself that he's _not_ going to break, not here. But just before he manages to get away, Louis catches his wrist and holds on tight.

"Wait," he says breathlessly. "Just, wait a minute, yeah?"

Niall darts his eyes down to where Louis is still holding onto his wrist and back up to his face before nodding. His mind is a mess, a jumble of confusion and emotion, making it impossible for him to say even one word.

Louis nods in return and lets go of Niall's wrist. He disappears into the bathroom and the door slams behind him, knocking Niall out of his reverie.

Did that really just _happen_? Niall can't be sure. He presses a hand to his face and breathes out sharply, grunting when someone knocks into him a few seconds later. He glares at their back as they slip off into the throng of people, and he presses his back against the wall next to the door in order to avoid getting pushed around again.

After having maybe ten seconds to catch his breath, the bathroom door swings open again and startles Niall. Louis comes rushing out, whipping his head around with a wild-eyed look until he finds Niall staring back at him timidly. Louis softens and falls against the wall next to him, letting out a soft laugh.

"Didn't want to risk you running off again," he admits.

Niall laughs, the sound coming out sharp and hysterical like he couldn't have controlled it if he tried. He clears his throat and avoids Louis' eyes as he murmurs under his breath, "I'm not the one who ran off and hit it big."

Louis laughs at that, and Niall's heart swells. He hadn't meant it as a compliment, not really, but somehow all the anger and frustration he's built up towards Louis over the last few days dissipates immediately at the sound of his laugh.

It's just… it's so good to see him.

"What're you doing here?" Niall asks. Louis is still staring at him in wonder until the question registers in his head and he laughs again.

"This is my-- our hotel room. Mine?" Louis squints and tilts his head to the side. "Dunno whose name is on it, actually. Anyway, What're _you_ doing here?"

"Met this bloke in a pub," Niall says, thumbing over his shoulder as though Liam's nearby. "Seemed nice enough, thought I'd follow him around for a bit, see where it leads."

"Is that right?" Louis' mouth slips into a smirk and he steps closer to Niall. "Has it lead anywhere good?"

"Might've." Niall shrugs.

"You shouldn't wander off with strange blokes, y'know." Louis leans his back against the wall and smiles ruefully at him. "Could get you into trouble."

"Is that right?" Niall says, mimicking Louis' tone. "Should probably head off, then. Before I get into trouble."

Louis shakes his head. "Nah, you shouldn't. Know what you should do?"

"What?"

"Follow me."

Louis pushes away from the wall and walks past Niall, purposefully brushing against him as he goes. Niall hesitates for about half a second, his feet making the quick decision to follow before his mind realizes it's what he wants to do.

He weaves through the crowd after Louis, who moves surprisingly quickly. Unlike Liam had before, Louis doesn't get stopped once. Niall doesn't get the chance to ask where they're going before they suddenly reach their destination, one of the rooms on the opposite side of the suite.

 _That's presumptuous_ , Niall thinks to himself but he follows Louis through the door anyway. The room is dark until Louis pulls back the curtains covering the door to the balcony. It's far quieter in there than it was in the main room, so much that the sound of the glass door sliding open is nearly deafening.

"Where--" Niall starts to ask, but his voice fades the moment Louis looks at him over his shoulder. He's lit up by the lights of the city outside and Niall just stares at him.

Louis tilts his head towards the outside before he steps through the door, giving Niall the illusion of the choice to follow.

"Thought I shouldn't follow strange blokes," he says after he's slid the door shut behind him. Louis chuckles and taps his hands against the railing.

"Who said that?" he asks, looking at Niall from over his shoulder again.

"Some strange bloke," Niall replies, hardly making it through the sentence without laughing.

"C'mere," Louis says after Niall's laughter has faded away, stretching his arm out towards Niall with his palm facing up. Niall steps forward but falls in next to Louis, facing the city below them instead of taking his hand. Louis' arm drops but he doesn't turn around to face the city as well.

The wind picks up, blowing past them in a gust and Niall shivers. His last pint seems ages ago; the cold air makes him feel even more sober.

"S'pretty," Niall says, nodding towards the city. "Think I like it here."

"I never thought I'd see you again," Louis says quietly. When Niall looks at him, he's staring down at his feet with his arms crossed.

"Neither did I."

"But here you are," Louis says, looking up at Niall for just a moment as he laughs weakly. "Here, of all places."

Niall turns back to the view and starts singing under his breath, "I went to Amsterdam without you and all I could do was think about you."

His cheeks are burning before he's even finished.

"So you've heard it?"

Niall laughs, thinking Louis is taking the piss until he sees the nervous look in his eyes.

"Couldn't get away from it, more like." Niall smiles. "Heard it everywhere."

"Jesus," Louis breathes out.

"Did you think I'd never hear it?"

Louis shrugs. "You've been in…" He stops short and scratches at his cheek. "You travel a lot, I dunno."

"Liam told me," Niall says, "about you, umm, keeping up with my blog."

"Shit," Louis mutters, pressing his hand against his face like he's properly embarrassed now. "I wasn't like, stalking you or anything--"

"I didn't think--"

"I just… I was curious, is all."

"It's alright, Lou."

"Yeah?" They lock eyes and Niall smiles at him.

"Yeah." He bashfully rubs at the back of his neck and laughs. "I might've done the same if you'd, y'know, told me you were a singer."

Louis snorts. "Right. About that."

"Were you like, proper famous when we met?" Niall asks. It's something he's been wondering for a while and now seems like the time to find out once and for all.

"No," Louis says, shaking his head. "I'm not even proper famous now, I--"

"Bullshit," Niall interrupts. "I couldn't go anywhere in Germany without hearing you. Thought I was going mad."

"Niall--"

"It's why I came here," Niall continues. "I thought, I dunno, maybe I'd get you out of my head, or something." Niall shakes his head. "But here you are."

"Here I am," Louis says. He gives Niall a hesitant smile and moves closer. "Think maybe the universe is trying to tell us something?"

"Maybe." Niall glances down, fitting his hand around Louis' hip as Louis places his hand on Niall's chest. He curls his fingers into the fabric, bunching it up in his fist as he gives it a gentle tug and Niall follows.

When their mouths meet, Niall's struck with the memory of kissing the random man in the club the night before, but it's gone in an instant. Kissing Louis is just like he remembers: all-encompassing and wholeheartedly deadly.

Louis grabs Niall's hair with his free hand and tugs, holding him in place as he presses their bodies closer together. Niall wraps both arms around Louis' waist and holds as tight as he can. It's almost like they're both afraid the other's going to disappear right before their eyes.

Even the shared warmth between them can't stave off the shivers that come from the cold air all around them. Pretty soon they're shivering in each other's arms, teeth clacking together as their shaking gets worse and worse. Louis pulls away and buries his head in the crook of Niall's neck, the pair of them giggling as they hold onto each other.

"Fucking freezing," Louis mumbles with his mouth to Niall's skin.

"You're the one who came out here," Niall reminds him.

"Terrible idea." Louis lifts his head and nudges his nose against Niall's cheek. "Told you not to follow strange blokes."

Niall rolls his eyes fondly and turns his head to catch Louis' mouth with his own. "C'mon," he murmurs, "let's go inside."

Expecting that they'll go back into the party, Niall heads for the inside door shortly after they step through the sliding glass door. Louis hangs back, letting their arms extend as far as they're able before Niall comes to a stop rather than letting go of Louis' hand. He looks over his shoulder and tugs gently, nodding his head towards the door, but Louis shakes his head.

Niall's eyes go to the bed in the center of the room and then back to Louis, catching his smile slipping into a smirk as he closes the sliding door. He tugs Niall back over to him and chuckles knowingly as Niall's cheeks turn pink.

"Fancy a cuddle?" Louis asks. "Reckon it'll be a lot comfier than that beach in Thailand."

"Probably," Niall replies, smiling back at him.

Louis falls onto the bed first while Niall takes his shoes off, eyeing Louis' feet skeptically until Louis does the same. They fall to the floor with a thud and Niall snickers as he climbs into the bed next to Louis. They both turn onto their sides, facing each other with soft, hesitant smiles. It doesn't feel real to Niall, lying next to Louis like this. He half expects to wake up any moment, to have dreamed all of this up while asleep in some other bed in some other country.

"Quit thinking so much," Louis says, tapping Niall's nose with one finger.

"Sorry," Niall laughs as he bats Louis' hand away. Their fingers tangle together and come to rest between them. Louis props his head up with his other hand and lets out a long sigh, like he's trying to get the courage to say something important.

Niall stays quiet, watching him carefully. Louis looks him in the eye and smiles, before dropping his gaze back down to their hands.

"D'you wanna know why I kept checking your blog?" he says in a voice barely above a whisper.

"Why?"

"Kept hoping you'd mention… y'know." Louis rubs his eyes and chuckles awkwardly. "That night."

Niall blinks. When he'd realized that Louis was Liam's best mate who was obsessed with his blog, it hadn't occurred to him that it was because Louis kept hoping for Niall to acknowledge the night they spent together. It makes Niall's heart ache a little to think about Louis refreshing his blog day after day in the hopes of seeing their story written down as something important enough to be remembered.

"I couldn't," Niall says, his voice low and rough. Louis' eyes dart to his and he clears his throat. "Guess I… I dunno, wanted to keep it just for us. For me."

"Yeah," Louis says as he looks away again. "I thought that might be it."

"I kept your picture," Niall says, "the one you stuck in my pocket when I wasn't looking."

Louis cracks a smile. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Niall laughs softly and squeezes Louis' hand. " _Remember me_ ," he mocks lightly with a scoff. "As if I could forget you."

Louis shifts closer, letting go of Niall's hand in favor of pressing him down against the mattress and climbing on top of him as they start kissing again. They kiss for ages, rutting lazily against each other with their hands roaming up and down their bodies. Niall's sure the room is spinning with how light-headed he feels. The only thing he can manage to focus on is the only thing that matters: Louis.

"Stay," Louis breathes out between kisses.

"'m not going anywhere," Niall gasps in return.

"No," Louis grunts as he lifts himself up and stares down at Niall. "Like, come with me."

Niall makes a confused noise. "What?"

"When I leave Amsterdam," Louis explains, his voice breathless. "Come with me, this time."

"Lou--"

"Please," Louis says. There's a desperate look in his eyes and Niall doesn't know what to say.

He can't bring himself to say yes. He hates the idea that this really could be the last time he ever sees Louis, but there's a part of him that worries that whatever they have won't last. Maybe they're only good in short bursts. Would everything fall apart if they tried for real?

Avoiding giving an answer, Niall slides his hand up into Louis' hair and gently pulls him down into another kiss. He rolls them both onto their sides again, keeping their lips connected. Louis kisses him back in a much needier way than before, clinging to him as if Niall's going to slip away suddenly.

Their kisses taper off naturally, growing more lazy as the sky outside starts getting lighter with the sunrise. Both of them are finding it harder to keep their eyes open, but they fight against it as best they can.

"Stay," Louis mumbles as he tucks his head under Niall's chin, pressing a kiss against his chest.

Niall closes his eyes and holds Louis tightly. He still doesn't say anything. He can't.

*

The sun is high in the sky by the time Niall wakes up. He forgets where he is at first when he opens his eyes; it's not until he turns his head to the side and sees Louis sleeping peacefully next to him that he remembers. It all comes crashing back at once and without warning Niall's chest feels like it may explode and he can't seem to find his breath.

He has to get out. He needs fresh air to clear his head.

Instead of opting to go back out onto the balcony after he's slipped out of bed, Niall carefully opens the door leading back out into the main part of the suite. He glances over his shoulder to make sure that Louis hasn't woken up, and then leaves as quietly as he can.

The room is a total mess but Niall doesn't come across a single other person on his way to the lift. His heart pounds with every step, still caught in a panic over last night and the fear that someone will discover him trying to make a clean escape.

He doesn't know what would happen if someone did. Truth be told, he doesn't want to think about it at all.

The lift dings just before the doors open, and Niall does another panicked sweep of the room behind him. The noise was loud enough that he's sure someone's had to have heard it if they were awake. He rushes past the doors and jabs the button for the lobby much harder than necessary, repeatedly pressing the close doors button until he can't see the penthouse anymore.

As he travels past the floors, Niall's heart starts to slow back down to its regular rhythm. His chest doesn't feel as tight and it's once again easy to breathe. He closes his eyes and leans back against the wall of the lift, telling himself that this is the right thing to do.

He's got a job to do. Louis has a life of his own. Just because they happened to have overlapped twice doesn't mean a thing. _This is the right thing to do_.

When the doors open in the lobby, Niall can't seem to make his feet move. He stares out across the sparkling floors and feels like he's paralyzed. The people waiting to use the lift look at him strangely and, after several seconds of him staying immobile, step onto the lift beside him and use their keycard to select their floor.

Niall rides the lift back up to the fourth floor, then the seventh, and lastly the tenth before the lift makes its way back down to the lobby. _This time_ , he tells himself, _you're getting off the bloody lift._

But he doesn't. He can't.

It happens again and again; more people enter the lift and give him weird looks. He rides the lift to practically every floor apart from the penthouse, and every time he gets back to the lobby his feet feel like they're glued to the ground.

As the lift empties once more and starts descending, Niall crouches down and puts his head in his hands.

"Okay," he says under his breath, "no more. Stop being an idiot and just _go_."

When the lift reaches the lobby and the doors open, Niall launches himself away from the far wall and barrels through the small group of people waiting to go up. He breathes out an apology as he accidentally knocks over someone's suitcase, rushing to help them pick it back up.

With his cheeks pink and certain that he's got several people watching him, Niall starts walking towards the front door. But with every step he takes, the voice that was telling him earlier that this was the right thing to do gets quieter and quieter. He pauses mid-step just before he's about to reach the exit and thinks, _what am I doing?_

The reason Niall left home is because he wanted an adventure, and now here he is running away from one, and for what? The chance that things might not work out?

Niall shakes his head and laughs a little. _If it doesn't work out_ , he tells himself, _then at least I'll know I tried_.

He spins on his heel and heads straight back for the lift. Maybe Louis hasn't woken up yet and won't know that Niall tried to leave. Maybe he can just slip back into bed next to him and let Louis wake up the way he should've in the first place: with Niall.

The lift doors open and Niall goes in. He presses the button for the top floor, but nothing happens. He presses it again, nothing. Someone else joins him in the lift and waves their keycard before pressing the button for the sixth floor and Niall laughs nervously. _Of course it didn't work, you idiot. You need a card!_

He presses the penthouse floor again, but the button doesn't light up. The lift travels up to the sixth floor and then heads straight back down to the lobby. Niall waits for someone else to get on, and after they've pressed the button for the floor they want he presses the button for the floor just below the penthouse.

Niall searches the whole floor for a set of stairs that go up to the penthouse, but can't find any. None of them go up, only down.

Cursing under his breath, Niall travels back down to the lobby and heads straight for the front desk.

"Hi," he says, faltering slightly, "I… umm, can you give me a key to the, uhh, penthouse, please?"

The concierge looks him up and down before answering. "Name on the reservation?"

"Umm… Louis?" Niall tries. "O-Or Liam?"

The concierge looks unsurprised and wholly unimpressed.

"You could-- If you'd just call, I'm sure--"

"I'm sorry, sir, but I cannot--"

"Please," Niall begs. "Please, I just came from there and I need to get back up, because I--"

"I cannot help you if you cannot give me the name listed on the reservation."

"But…" Niall sighs desperately and slams his hands against the counter. "If you called, they'd tell you--"

"Sir," the concierge says firmly, eyeing Niall's hands where they're flattened against the countertop. "If you'd like to step aside and call them yourself so they could come down here and add you to the reservation, I'd be happy to provide you a card."

Niall deflates. He doesn't have either of their phone numbers.

"That's the only way?" he asks. The concierge nods, and Niall's shoulders sag even more. "Alright."

He turns away from the desk, ignoring whatever goodbye the concierge gives him as he heads once more towards the front door.

Niall's practically heartbroken by the time he makes it back to his own hotel room. He faceplants into his freshly made bed and groans loudly. For a minute, he contemplates lying there for the rest of his time in Amsterdam, however long that may be. Even if he somehow managed to run into Louis again, how would he ever explain this?

He rolls onto his back and stares at the ceiling, breathing in shakily as his mind drifts to what Louis might be doing at this very moment. He's definitely woken up by now, Niall's sure of it. He probably woke up thinking Niall had just gone to the loo or something and now he knows that Niall's gone and… well, there's no telling what Louis thinks of him now.

Niall closes his eyes and breathes in deeply as he presses one hand against his forehead. He shakes as he lets the breath out, cursing his past self for making such stupid decisions. If he'd just _waited_ or even just _woken Louis up_ , everything would've been fine.

They could've talked about this more. They could've both shared their hopes and fears. Maybe Niall could've been honest about what he wanted for once instead of keeping it all inside.

Suddenly, an idea springs to mind and Niall sits bolt upright. He reaches for his rucksack and starts pulling things out until he gets to his laptop. It might be a long shot but he's hoping that maybe, _just maybe_ , the universe will give him one more chance.

_**The Traveling Irishman** _

_Hello lovely people._

_What I've got to say today is different than my usual posts, it's like nothing I've ever done before. You see, I spent the last two nights in Amsterdam when I was supposed to be in Germany. I didn't plan it, I didn't even expect anything to come of it, but I felt like had to do it._

_About a year ago, I met someone. I didn't know it at the time, or even realize it until a couple days ago, but this someone changed my life. I used to never want to look back. I wanted to keep going forward because I was afraid if I looked back, I'd get stuck. I wanted adventure but only on my terms. Always with a plan._

_He made me realize that it's okay to look back. It's okay to get stuck sometimes. It's okay to just leap and hope for the best._

_I'm writing this now because I messed up. I left when I should've stayed._

_Louis, if you're out there and reading this, I'm so sorry. I never should've left. If you're still here, meet me in the flower market. I don't want to leave here without you._

_x Nialler_

*

Niall feels like a right idiot. He's been standing outside the flower market for the better part of two hours, switching back and forth between pretending to be browsing the tulip bulb selection and frantically looking around for any sign of Louis. He jumps every time someone passes by, and every time it's not Louis his heart sinks a little further down into his stomach.

He should've specified a time. If he'd said to meet him later in the evening then it would've given Louis more time to see the blog post. Now he's simply stuck waiting until either Louis shows up or Niall gives up entirely.

As he stares down at his shoes and kicks an invisible rock, he sighs heavily. He doesn't want to give up, but he can't possibly stay here all night.

The problem is that it's getting darker already and once the sun goes down completely it'll be much colder than it is right now. Niall already feels chilled every time the wind picks up and he's definitely not looking forward to the lack of warmth from the sun.

He checks his watch again and tucks his hands under his arms. He can't give up yet.

Turning his back to the street, Niall starts browsing the tulip bulbs again. He'd never have imagined that there were would be so many types of tulips to choose from, but at least it gives him something to do while he waits. It doesn't totally distract him from the growing doubt that Louis will show up, but it's something.

"Should've just had him come to my hotel," Niall grumbles under his breath as a gust of wind blows by and makes him shiver. He tugs his collar up as high as it'll go to protect his ears, but even that's not much to ward off the cold. "At least then I would've been inside."

He decides to wait inside the stall at the east end of the market, choosing to step out into the street every five minutes or so to check for Louis. At least this way he's mostly out of the cold. But as the minutes continue to slowly pass by with no sign of Louis, Niall feels more and more despondent.

 _He's not coming_ , the voice in the back of Niall's head says. _You missed your chance._

"Never should've left," Niall mumbles. He sniffs loudly and rubs his eyes with one hand. He's thankful that nobody seems to notice that he's on the verge of losing his composure, but he hides his face all the same.

At the three hour mark, Niall makes the decision. It's time to go back to his hotel.

He shuffles his feet as he starts making his way out of the stall, and he pauses on the street to stare longingly down towards the west end of the market. There's a small part of him that's saying _just wait a little longer he might show up_ , but it's not enough to get Niall to stay.

"Get a move on," he says sharply to himself as he shoves his hands into his pockets and turns his back on the market.

He's taken maybe ten steps when he hears a bit of shouting behind him, and he stops to take one last look as curiosity gets the best of him.

"No, check the bloody thing again, Liam!"

Niall's heart suddenly rises to his throat at the sound of Louis' voice, and he stops breathing entirely when Louis finally appears at the edge of the crowd heading the opposite way.

"This market's fucking enormous, he must've said something more specific!"

Niall's cheeks are positively on fire when their eyes finally meet. Presumably Liam is still talking on the other end of the phone but Louis shoves it into his pocket as he strides over to Niall with a wild look in his eyes.

"I'm s--" Niall starts to apologize, but Louis immediately pulls him into a hug so tight that he can hardly breathe let alone speak a full sentence.

"You absolute idiot," Louis mutters in Niall's ear. He pulls away and drops his hand down to Niall's waist, pinching him rough enough that Niall yelps. "You're absolutely rubbish with directions, d'you know that?"

"I know, I…" Niall looks at Louis' face and his voice suddenly fails. Louis' eyes are wet.

"Couldn't you have picked a better meeting spot?" Louis says as he tilts his head down so Niall can't see his eyes.

"I wasn't thinking," Niall says as he cups Louis' face in his hands. "Lou."

"Thought you were gone for good," Louis whispers.

"I'm not," Niall tells him firmly. "I wanna stay with you. Or, like, leave with you?" He chuckles and shakes his head. "I dunno what's right to say. I just know that wherever you go, that's where I wanna be."

"Good," Louis replies thickly, his eyes shining. He tugs Niall's hands away from his face and leans in to kiss him. He hooks his arms around Niall's neck as Niall links his hands together behind Louis' back and kisses him back. They're probably blocking the street, but he genuinely doesn't care. He'd stay right here for the rest of his life if he had to, just as long as Louis did too.

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr](http://imlouisaf.tumblr.com)


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